Warrior

Our hug lasted longer than what I could comprehend in time. As I looked into her eyes, I smiled and gave her a reassuring glance. Tears kept falling from her eyes. The sobbing started to make her body shake and again I took her hand and gave her another warm hug. As I took a few steps back into Marshie, my small, old, white car, I looked at her one more time. She took her suitcase and slowly entered the airport. My mom was leaving me at college again. It seemed harder for her. Like she was scared. And then she sent me at text a mere 5 minutes later. "I miss you already! Good luck with everything and I love you so much!!" I then smiled and continued to drive faster to Conway. As hard as it was to say goodbye to home, to friends, to family, I held the tears back almost everytime. Not just because I was excited for school to start again. But because I know Hendrix is exactly where I belong right now. God wants me here. I can't doubt that.

I have been back at this beautiful place for almost a week! What a whirlwind week it has been. It has been filled with unloading musty trash bags from storage, from numerous trips to Target, and with lots of reunions with more and more to come. Ali and my room is pretty much all put together. Already I am calling it home. It just feels so right. Field hockey has pretty much been my life since I have been here. Hours and hours of practice have filled my days but for the first time in a long time I am confident with not just the team, but with myself. I have a knack for putting an unneccesary amount of pressure on myself to perform. I have been praying about it and I think that each practice I am learning more and more what playing on a team really means and what being a team leader takes. I can't really describe it, but in the past week I have learnt more about my role on the team than ever before. It's been an overwhelming and largely enjoyable experience so far.

Being on a team is strange and exilarahting because never again is it quite the same. You always have different people, different situations, and different dynamics. I think in a way I have always taken the best parts of all of the teams I have been on and have tried to find them in teams that I am on later in life. My dad used to be my soccer coach for a couple years and those bring back some of my favorite memories of being on a team. From our dairy queen team banquets, to being the "little bulldog" I savor some of those times. And then of course, I can never forget about Grandview field hockey. I was talking about high school hockey with some old buddies this summer and we came to the conclusion that playing field hockey was one of the best experiences we had in high school. I met some of my best friends on the field hockey team, I discovered something I am very passionate about, and I quite honestly had the chance to grow as a person. Playing hockey for Grandview provided a way for me to learn more about myself and to discover my passions in life. I came to see how much I love people and how much I love interacting. To this day I believe that field hockey was what brought me out of my shell. It took me from that quiet, shy, unsure girl into the loud, crazy, confident woman I have become. And then as it always goes, teams come and go. My time at Grandview came to an end, and I thought my time on field hockey teams was over. I didn't think there would be another chance for me to play hockey.

And then Hendrix came along.

Oh, Hendrix. After taking a chance on the small, weird school, in the middle of Arkansas I am now playing on a team that I am incredibly proud to be apart of. Last year, our first year, was tough. Tougher than I might have even let on. I tried to be the best leader I could be, but in lots of ways I know I could have done better. Our team struggled on the field. Everyone saw that. But we struggled off the field as well. Yet, in the past week I can feel that things have changed. That Hendrix field hockey has come over that hurdle and we are growing into something bigger, something better. Again, I am not expecting to find the same experiences and same emotions as I did in high school. I can't do that. I will be let down if I do. On the flip side, I know I can find something more. Something bigger than I can even imagine. God has something in store. He always does. I am not going to desperatley try and find it. I am going to soak this all in. I am going to soak EVERYTHING in. I am going to let every practice, every moment, every bus ride, every game, every play count for something. I am going to work as hard as I can, give everything I got, because God gave me this chance to play the sport I love. Not everyone gets to always do that..I am so blessed. I am excited to see where this season goes. I am excited for Hendrix field hockey, Hendrix College, and for sophomore year. I won't be forgetting to praise Him as every moment unfolds. How could I? This is all God's glory. The beautiful friends I have that have already taught me so much, the opportunities at my fingertips, and the joy of being alive. This is all just a tiny piece of His extraordinary plan. Glory.

Embracing the human spirit

The world in which we are born is just one model of reality. Other cultures are
not failed attempts at being you. They are unique manifestations of the human
spirit.

This is a quote that is sitting in my supervisor's office at The Gathering Place. I fell in love with it the minute I read it. Partly because I think it says so much in so few words. And also partly because I am experiencing this to a certain degree. No, I am not experiencing other cultures in the sense I am immersed in somewhere half way around the world, but I am building relationships with women and children who do have a different model of reality. Their idea of reality does not take origin in the cookie cutter houses of suburbia, the overflow of money to buy nice cars, or expensive vacations every year to exotic locations. Oh no. Quite the contrary. The people that I have met at The Gathering Place each experience their own culture. It could be the beautiful, elderly grandmother raising her her grandchildren because they have nowhere else to turn, it could be the young girl who calls living in a cramped, hot room at a shelter home, and it could be the woman roaming the streets not only searching for sustenance to surivive..but of her own self-existence. Many of the women and children have a deeper dilemma than their inability to afford rent or food; they have no idea who they are. They are searching for their human spirit. Something they can relish in. Something they can nurture and watch grow. It is a unique experience to watch along side as they grow. I have found myself biting my tongue right before I give my 2 cents. Right before I, a 19 year old who is the LAST person to offer advice, suggest what these women should do to take their next step. I have quickly stopped myself knowing that I would be totally out of line. This is their journey..I am only their to offer my love and support. I am not there to dictate on others should live.

Unique manifestations of the human spirit. Hmm. Makes you think right? As I have spent the last 3 months with children and women and watching them grow, my heart has been transformed. It has been such a God thing to have these children in my life. 2 weeks ago it happened (again). A little girl, Betty, stole my heart. Her smile is quite possibly the most beautiful smile I have ever seen and her heart..oh my. I can SEE God in her. I CAN FEEL IT. Over the last few days we have spent together we have played games, read books, and I have been trying to teach her how to read numbers. To watch her engage in such learning has been overwhelming. She exerts this spirit that is undescribable. Let me reiterate this. SHE IS 5. And the way she looks at me, the way she laughs, and the way she talks is unmistakable. She has the Spirit inside of her. I can' really even describe it in words. I connected with her in a way that I have never connected with anyone else. And she is 5. Kids say the darndest things ;)

This summer is coming to an end rather quickly. I, as usual, am a bundle of mixed emotions. How excited am I to go back to glorious Hendrix College?!?! I am stoked. Yet, there will never be summer like this again. That is soo obvious..but think about it. Michelle said it perfectly the other day. There are seasons of change to everything, and the status of many of my relationships will not be the same in a year from now. I am fine with this. Really. But next summer..most of my friends in CO will be..grown up. At least in the sense that they will haev their own apartments and all that jazz. Maybe even I can do some growing up! Tehee. How can I even put this summer into words? Amazing? Awesome? Nope. Doesn't do it justice. I couldn't even imagine this summer without my friends, my experiences, and my family.

Audra. This girl unquestionably is my partner in crime, my best friend, my rock. She knows what I am going to say before the words are even out, she laughs at my jokes, and she puts up with me in public. We have been through a lot. Yet, we are stronger than ever. Her passions inspire me. Her heart makes me look inward and see whats inside. She has such a presence in my mind and my life that her tagging along to family functions is fully expected. She thinks with her heart but also has a very innate sense of logic. She will go on adventures with, sing with me, veg out with me, eat with me..anything. She is there. I love her and admire her to the nth degree.

Hardy. Jessica and I are completely in sync. She gets me. I get her. She has a passionate yet easy going attitude with life. She lives every moment for that moment. She is one of those people that is truly ALIVE. The muck does not wear her down; she finds God's grace in everything. It's amazing. She is also hysterical and I think if I actually ate somewhat healthy and had abs..she would be the reason why. Our times coaching together will be cherished by me because it was THAT fun. I know our friendship has just begun to blossom.

The family. Adjusting to being back home was a journey. Quite the climb up a mountain, if you will. Yet it was WELL worth it. My mom and I have a deeply rooted trust and understanding. At the core, we are very similar. Steamboat Springs brought us closer together and as we finished our 10 mile hike, I couldn't have been prouder of her. My dad and I are quite the opposite. What do we have in common? We are both weird. And that keeps us laughing. My time in Mexico with Lance and my dad created a lifetime of memories for us. I am so blessed to have that. Lance. What else can I say? He above anyone puts up with me. Good and bad. He encourages me to get through anything. He makes fun of me..but at the end of the day I could make fun of him for the exact same things. He is more sensitive than anyone would ever guess and I love him dearly.

Yet, as I temporarily say goodbye again to my beloved Colorado I can once again say hello to ARKANSAS. I can get excited as I feel that 110 degree heat hitting my face on the field hockey field, I can officially embrace being a G-WAY girl for the first time (VZ was SO last year, duh), I can work on catching a southern accent, and best of all? I GET TO SEE MY FRIENDS AGAIN!!! My darling Michelle, Rachel, Ali, Jorgy, Ruanda, Lexy, Katie, the hockey team, and everyone else. Finally. I can't wait to cause mayhem again. I really don't care that I will be a sophomore in college. It's Hendrix College. Hello? Being weird is not only perfectly acceptable but totally expected. Teehee. I have missed them more than they will know. What does God have in store for me this year? Ha. Couldn't tell you. But I sure can't wait to find out. I will be a busy little bee with school, work, hockey, being a EPA, VAC, Stumo, and all my other activities but that is just fine. In between the rebellious activities with Michelle (music videos in mills anyone?) and school and everything else I can continue to grow in my walk with God. I can continue to build on that love and make it stronger. Ohhh baby!

Life, as I know it, is only getting better with each day.