pretty pretty mountains

Endure

From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.

Ephesians 4:16

 

As Paul talks about his visions for the unification of the Body of Christ, I am not only reminded of humanity, the need for transformation in our world, and of what Christians should be looking for, but I think also about unity in my own life. One thing in particular, the field hockey team.

 

Here in Ephesians parallels where I envision a strong team: that of pieces (people, players, coaches) supporting each other and doing their part with love to create a whole. This whole can be our team.

Training and preparing for fall season of hockey has in so much dominated my summer to this point. I've been hiking, seeing friends, and hanging around the house, but I have been working out just about every day too. It's been good—a way to decompress and set aside my lingering anxieties of readjusting. Ghana is all over me and inside of me—forever. So, being back in America has been hard. I've needed an outlet, a way to get escape the intensity of being back just for a little while. Doing my workouts, focusing on training my body, it's been what I've needed. And, after mediating on this verse in Ephesians, I am more motivated to do my part.

 

I want to do my part this summer to be ready in August, and I want to do so with determination, effort, and dedication. I want to be a piece to the whole, a whole that is unified with love.

 

I've been playing this game for almost 8 years. I know what it takes. I've experienced the good, the bad, the challenging, and the rewarding both on and off the field. It's all a part of the game, of the sport, and playing on a TEAM. I love being on a team. I love working hard, together. I love knowing that I can be a part of something much deeper than some girls trying to put a ball in the cage. I love the adrenaline. And, the obstacles too. Because that is really where the learning begins.

 

When I walked onto the field to try out for the girls field hockey team at Grandview High School, I was an unsure, nervous, and curious girl. What, exactly, was I doing? I played soccer. So when mom signed me up and got me a weird, candy cane looking stick, I wasn't sure how this whole trying out for field hockey would go over.

 

Who knew that that hesitant girl would become a true fan of this strange sport of field hockey?

From broken noses to overtime goals to runs at the State Championship to being a part of starting a new team, playing field hockey has been crucial to understanding bigger things. You know, things outside 16 yard hits, corners, and pulls.

 

Friendship. Humility. Trust. Perseverance.

 

By no means am I a master of any of these things, but I suppose it is those things that keep me going as I do that extra lap around the track. As I lift a few more weights, and as I embarrassingly do more agilities in front of everyone at the gym.

Yes, I do it so Ellie does not kick my ass.

I do it so preseason is a little less painful.

I do it so I am ready for game 1 of my senior season.

 

A bigger part of me though, endures through summer training so I can continue being a part of this team, where friendship, humility, trust, and perseverance come with the territory.

 

I endure because I strive to be a supporting ligament, building in love, and doing my work so the whole is joined and held together.

 

I endure, because really, this is what I love to do.

We had some fun practices in high school...

University of Denver Field Hockey Camp

Playing Fort Collins

Last team picture

My family supporting us at our playoff game against Creek

Freshman Year...and those classy orange uniforms

Team Huddle. HEART.

Hendrix Field Hockey does Halloween in Kentucky 

Home WIN over Sewanee

the wild wild west

Aurora, Colorado to Las Vegas, New Mexico 305 miles

Las Vegas, New Mexico to Sanders, Arizona 287 miles

Sanders, Arizona to Flagstaff, Arizona 153.1 miles

Flagstaff, Arizona to Needles, California 306.5 miles

**Grand Canyon**

Needles, California to Barstow, California 138.5 miles

Barstow, California to Bonsall, California 294.2 miles

**San Diego**

Bonsall, California to Barstow, California 267.7 miles

**Las Vegas**

Barstow, California to Glendale, Nevada 496.4 miles

Glendale, Nevada to Junction I-70 (Utah) 237.6 miles

Junction I-70 (Utah) to Parachute, Colorado 305 miles

Parachute, Colorado to Aurora, Colorado 236 miles

TOTAL 2,722 MILES

I knew this trip was going to be good. Somewhere between awaking at 4 am to get on the road on Day 1, Dad's continous singing and ridiculous dancing to The Who and Bruce Springsteen (which, for the lack of our ingenuity by forgetting to bring any other CDs, we listened to the ENTIRE road trip), and the beautiful scenery on the endless roads in Colorado, New Mexico, Arizona, California, Nevada, and Utah, I became aware of just how cool this was. This was no ordinary road trip. I was getting the chance to explore. Explore the West, explore the frontier. Okay, maybe that's being a bit dramatic. After all, it is easy to develop some over sentimental and romanticized version of the West, the land of cowboys, horses, and ghost towns, remaining from the crazy days of the wild wild west. Nevertheless, as we rev'd up the F-150 (yes, we took a freaking TRUCK for our epic journey), I knew I would be seeing and experiencing things that were just...beautiful.

After I woke up just past Trinidad, Colorado (the sex change capital of the world, mind you) I began to immerse myself in a new book. It's called Leaving Microsoft to Change the World. It's one man's story of leaving behind the corporate world to help with illiteracy worldwide. It brought me back to Vietnam, and I spent some of the first moments on the road remembering. Remembering the incredible children, the village, and how I fell in love with Vietnam. An interesting thing to think about as we trekked out West.

As we pulled up for fuel in small town, Arizona, we were welcomed to a full service gas station. Window wiping, oil checks, the works. They even pump your own fuel. I had never seen a full service gas station before. Ever. To make matters even more interesting, the man helping us was a Navajo Indian, dad said. My dad can be ruthlessly shy at times, but for whatever reason, always makes friends pretty easily on trips, and talks to strangers for days. He talked with this guy about his life, him working at the station, and living on an Indian reservation. It got me thinking--because we passed reservation after reservation during our car ride in the Southwest. What is it like? How would it feel--are they happy having land and area to preserve the practices? Or are they pissed? Having to just, I don't know, stay secluded and stuck on a limited piece of land. I don't really understand it. But I want to learn more.

****************************************************

The Grand Canyon

You can google image the Grand Canyon all you want. You can find pictures in books, pictures that you might think do it justice. But, when you walk slowly towards this magnificent creation and just stop. And look. The goosebumps are overwhelming, and it's clear no picture could do this place justice. The Grand Canyon is in a word, grand, and honestly, it didn't feel real to me. It was so surreal, it looked like God was painting on this earth and He just kept going. It's large. It's huge. And it didn't look real to me. Seriously. The colors of reds, browns, pinks, oranges, greys, and more unite together and just pop. The crevices are neverending, and the shape of the rocks and the canyon itself is remarkable. It was a moving experience to see the Grand Canyon, and even though tourists were everywhere, license plates from California, Pennsylvania, Florida, Arkansas (GLORY!), and even people from all over the world, I felt strangely alone. I closed my eyes and felt the wind, and smelled the rocks, and could not believe I was in the presence of something so...cool. This is just the begininng of the variety of American landscape we will get to see.

*****************************************************

San Diego

So, I feel dirty. There's sand under my nails, the scent of salt on the skin of my body, and sweat seeping through my bright orange Hendrix shirt. So, really, maybe I'm clean. Because I feel rejuvenated, relaxed, and joyful. I just got back from a run around San Diego, on Fashion Valley Boulevard, no less, and before that, soaked up all the California sun I could. You see, earlier today we drove through the Mojave Desert and it was HOT. Yet, even with the A/C running, I wanted that heat. So, I pushed the gas pedal harder, anxious for our rendevouz at the beach. I wanted to go fast like the red mustangs cruising passed us, to leave the Sierra Nevada in the dust, and to beat the sun. It was a race, a race I wanted to win. I guess the California sun has an interesting effect on people, or at least weirdos like me.

Yesterday was another sunny day in Southern California. We spent the first part of the day at Sea World. I loved seeing the animals. Especially the manatees and the orca whales!! But, as awesome as it was to see "Shamu" and company, I just found it unsettling to watch the animals perform tricks for thousands of people. Maybe it's all they know, but what if know about the world out there. About the expansive ocean, about the ocean floor--what if they know!? They should be free. I don't know the whole story though. And I did have fun at sea world, I really did. But I couldn't shake the vibe of consumerism and capitalism there. Later, at Mission Beach, we met up with Savannah and her and I had the chance to catch up. I love seeing Hendrix people outside of Hendrix. She took us to downtown San Diego, and her and my family just hit it off, despite our conflicting conversation about Obama and the pending health care reform situation. I guess you can't win them all. Wow, I'm so glad we came here.

*****************************************************

Las Vegas

Vegas is unlike anything I have ever seen: there are so many lights, people, and energy. But I suppose that doesn't separate it from any other big hoppin' city. Las Vegas is all this--and more. It's flashy and extravagent. Frankly, it's sinister. Billboards and cards are all over the place with nearly topless women. The place just screams money & sex. And for a little while, I didn't like it here. I just didn't get it. And then, slowly, I started to feel the fun vibe. People come here to relax and party. And I looked around, and saw people genuinely having a good time. Maybe I don't drink, maybe I don't even party that much, but hell, if I was 21, I could come here. I could come with my girlfriends, and we could have fun. I know it. After all, there was a show that featured HOT Australian men...enough said. I sneaked passed the casino frequently, with Lance riding my tail, to catch a glimpse of gambling. It's a strange world, and it was one of those things where you just can't look away. Vegas is kind of like that. You just can't look away. Now, would I get married there, as I saw some do? HELL NO. But, for a couple days of laying on the roof top pool, walking the Vegas strip, and riding intense rides on the top of our hotel (over 1000 feet in the air!) I had a great time. And as quickly as we came, we left. On our last night, after getting into bed right around midnight, my dad jokingly said we could leave then as opposed to getting up at 4 am. We laughed. And then decided, what the heck, let's just do it. Spontaneity at its finest. We jetted out of Vegas right around the time when most people's nights there had just begun. And we drove back to Colorado.

What a trip!

*****************************************************

It's an interesting thing, to begin a summer exploring the land of Vietnam and then ending the same summer roadtripping across the West. A perfect way to begin. A perfect way to end. And then theres everything in between. I saw beautiful things these past 3 months. Things that have changed my life. Things that have challenged me. As I pack up and hit the road, leaving home for my other home, I'll look out the window and smile.

But as the sun sets, it also rises.

A new day begins.

A new year at Hendrix.

A new year of adventures.

I'm ready.

i'm just a summer girl.

"You were given life; it is your duty (and also your entitlement as a human being) to find something beautiful within life, no matter how slight."

--Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat Pray Love

I was anxious about this summer. I was excited about this summer. I was worried about this summer. And I was ready for this summer. To the core, I may be a reckless, winter loving mountaineer, but deep down, I am a summer girl.

Already it is June. Already the temperatures are starting to peak. And already, I am wondering where exactly this summer is taking me.

Starting the summer in Vietnam was...well...beautiful, to say the least. To have such an intense, life changing, and amazing experience in just 10 days, and then return back home was whirlwind.

And when I returned home, I was happy. It was good to be back in the cool Colorado altitude, the company of my family, and the familiarity that coming home always provides. I was thrown for a loop when I lost my job after a week of being home, found myself in the midst of some rocky family business, and in an unsure place with my friends. And yet, I knew, no, I felt that everything that was beautiful was here. It was with me. And just because a few things spontaneously alter my plans for this summer, well, it just goes to show that sometimes plans suck. Plans don't always leave room for the unexpected, for the alternative path, and hell for the right path. Humans are wrong. A lot.

What I have learned in just a short month, has been to find beauty in everything. It's easy to write about, it's even easier to talk about, but being able to find beauty in not just the overt wonders of life, but also the small things. The things that others may not find at first. The things that look like nightmares at first. The things that are covered in what looks to the straightforward mind as worthlessness, when really they can mean the world.

Having some of my plans go kaput is beautiful.

Finding a passion for yoga is beautiful.

Rekindling old relationships with friends is beautiful.

Sunbathing in my backyard with my blind dog by my side is beautiful.
Crying is beautiful.
Laughing is beautiful.

Going to the pool only to be rained on is beautiful.

Having diverging viewpoints about God and spirituality is beautiful.

Having my best friend live 45 minutes away is beautiful.

Returning to the Gathering Place is beautiful.

Running in the State Park is beautiful. Being able to run 40 minutes without stopping is beautiful.

Singing in the car is beautiful.

People watching in City Park is beautiful.

Writing letters and receiving letters is beautiful.

Missing my best friends is beautiful.
Eating too much icecream is beautiful.

Driving on I-25 and being stuck in Denver traffic is beautiful.

Watching my brother make mistakes and then learn from them is beautiful.

Reading until the wee hours of the morning is beautiful.

The more I search my heart, the more I meditate on the summer that I have been having, I find myself having few complaints. I am blessed to have what I have in my life. I think the people, the circumstances, the spirit, and the beauty around me is a lot like watching a magnficent sunset over the west to the Rocky Mountains, seeing the perfect golden colors intertwine to remind us of what this glorious Earth holds for us. What God provides. And then to know, that the sun will rise the next morning, with equal beauty, and equal magnimity.

And it's also beautiful to know that the small things do matter. And that when I return to school, and back to my life at Hendrix, saying hi to acquaintances walking near Mills, sending sweet notes to my friends, watching the squirrels run around like hyperactive toddlers, and just enjoying the experience as a whole is what matters.

It's funny because this summer I have had time alone to think. I always value the time I have alone, but this summer I have grown as an independent woman, more than ever before. I've been thinking a lot about change, particularly in regards to the environments that I have been in--from high school, to college, to my home, to around the world--it has all impacted me, and I have responded to change in such different ways. When I graduated high school, and my friends and I took pictures outside the Ritchie Center on the DU campus, I recognized that change would likely happen, but that it couldn't and wouldn't change my relationships with my friends. As far as I was concerned, we were solid.

It's all changed.

The dynamics that I have with my friends at home are all sorts of crazy. Nothing is the same, and 2 years ago, I never would have predicted what has become of my relationships. It's been bittersweet.

And maybe, instead of fighting this change like I did 2 years ago, you can use change to carry you from one life experience to the next.

That's really what this summer is about for me. I am changing, I am digesting the changes that have already occured, and have yet to come. It's all beautiful. It has to be. Because it is our duty to find beauty in life, no matter how small. No matter how slight. No matter how insignificant. Life, and everything in it, is, at its very essence, beautiful. I'm really just a summer girl. Not because of the hot and sweltering sun, not because of the long lazy days with the girls, not even because of the freedom to take spontaneous adventures. No, I'm just a summer girl because it's in the summer where I can thrive in my independence, I can reflect on the change in my life, and I can accept the little things as beautiful. Yes, I'm just a summer girl.

homecoming

newell's grocery store.

welcome to colorful colorado.

stormy and sunny sky in eastern colorado.lance in his new hat from vietnam.

cherry creek state park
green grass.chillin.
BBQ.

welcome home.

Glimpses of Change

I watched the Bucket List the other day. Okay, that is a lie; I watched it twice in two days. I watched it late one Saturday night after getting home from Audra's house. On my laptop, alone in my room. Naturally, I liked the movie and again watched it the next day. After a whirlwind day of getting baptized, brunch with my family, and golf with my dad, it felt like the perfect thing to watch. It truly is a wonderful movie, and there is one idea, one quote that is continually sticking out in my mind:

You measure yourself by the people who measure themselves by you.

The face that Morgan Freeman said this made it sound even more awe-inspiring and omniscient, but disecting this statement down to the bear bones it utterly sensational. It's moving and it is downright powerful. I have had this problem in previous years of measuring myself by things. My accomplishments, my qualities..the list goes on. It wasn't until that my spiritual growth was kicked into high gear that I realized that living for myself doesn't work. Living to achieve great milestones in life doesn't work. The only thing I can really do is to live for Him. I am of course, speaking of the glorious God, the Alpha and the Omega, the Maker. I didn't know what that meant a few years ago. Heck, about 5 years ago I didn't know the heck God even was! Yet, as long as my life is inwardly and outwardly dedicated to Him I can make a difference in other lives for the better. People can be changed from other people in a holy and spiritual way--my friends, it is called the Holy Spirit. I don't have to meddle in people's problems. I don't have to worry sick about what direction there life is going in. I can give THAT to God, and can show them love through the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit gives me the right words, brings me to the right places, and acts through me on God's behalf. Holy moly that is incredible.

I want to make my own Bucket List. What would I put on it though? I have been blessed with so much already, but I know there is SO much more for me to see and experience. I can think of a few things:

1) Go skydiving. Cliche? Yes. But hello, it looks utterly fantastic.

2) Have traveled to every state in America.

3) Go on a Safari.

4) See Israel!!!

5) Swim underneath a waterfall.

6) Be a mother.

7) Fall in love.

Those are only glimpses in what I want to experience with life. Glimpses, I tell you.

Like I said, before I watched the movie I was baptized. I tried putting into words what that experience was like in my journal, but you would have to see the smile streched across my face. You would have to feel the glow in my heart, and understand the passion I feel for the almighty God. I can't describe it. But, I will say that getting baptized at all of 19 years old was hands down was incredible. As I gazed upon the congregation and shared my story of coming to Christ I looked up at my Pastor with anxious eyes. He took my hand and slowly, but majestically dipped me into the water. In a matter of seconds I was soaked and above water again, but for that milisecond, for that brief glimpse everything was perfect. I felt that strong and comforting hands of God upon me. I felt so..liberated. So free. It wasn't as if the water provided salvation. Oh no. I got baptized because I wanted to outwardly express an inner devotion. I am resolutley, completely devoted to God. I wanted to live for HIM. And I knew that to continue to grow and discover on my journey with God, I would need to wash away the old me. The old desires. The old tendencies. Everything. It's like a Super Walmart sale--"Everything Must Go!". Ha, but seriously. In order for me to unquestionably embrace the beauty of God, by his grace, I had to let go of everything holding me back. Now, it is gone. I have changed. Like I was when I first accepted Christ, I am becoming new. After all, Revelation 21:5 says, "Behold, I make all things new." Everyday, every fleeting moment I am growing more and more with my relationship with God. GLORY.

Fittingly, today I had one of the best days this summer. It wasn't that it was filled with events or monumental occurences. Honestly, it was just pure bliss. To be in His presence, and know this, and to carry it everywhere with me was so humbling. From holding little kids at the Gathering Place, to coaching moody yet hilarious teen girls field hockey, to doing silly workouts at the gym and laughing hysterically with Hardy---it was all so joyous. I have laughed so much today. There is so much peace in my heart. Thank you God. Thank you.

Summer Ramblings

The rich and the poor meet together: the Lord is the maker of them all.

Proverbs 22:2

Mondays and Tuesdays have quickly become my favorite days of the summer. Every Monday and Tuesday morning I make the drive from Aurora to Denver. Of course, I am not talking beautiful 16th Street Mall Denver. I am not talking about LoDo or Cherry Creek where you can find extravagence on every corner. I am talking about Colfax Denver. The bad part of town. It takes me about 40 minutes to get to the Gathering Place and I truly love the drive. Listening to my IPOD and sipping coffee allows me to wake up every morning and just mentally, spiritually, and physically prepare for the day. I get the view of the mountains from Arapahoe Road and everytime the sun is shining I know that good things are to come. Once I turn on Colfax the scene totally changes. Sure, the sun is still shining. But the sheer poverty of the area is evident everywhere. Homeless people are roaming for blocks and blocks, the buildings are slowly decaying away, and low income housing is rampant. In one drive to Denver I can learn a lot about how people live.

My time at the Gathering Place has truly been undescribable. There is nothing that I could say that would do it justice; I can only say that I love the place immensly. I feel so apart of the family there, and I have made friends with some of the coolest kids ever: Ezekiel, Moses, Dixie, Isaiah, and Lizzy to name a few. I love having little kids as friends. They are so willing to love. They love with no questions asked. I almost feel guilty; I feel sometimes I am taking away more than I can ever provide them. My little buddy Ezekiel has recently been put in daycare. This is wonderful news. This means that his mom is getting a job and trying to build stability in their lives. As a result, we don't get to see him much anymore because they are not relying on the resources of the Gathering Place as much. I am so proud of them. I am so HAPPY for them. I have been praying for them, and I believe this is God's intervention in their lives. I love that in place surronded by violence, gangs, and drugs good things can still happen. I see women everyday making small, but significant victories in their lives. From finding housing or staying clean from drugs, GOOD THINGS HAPPEN. This idea is important to me because when I started my internship at the Gathering Place I prepared myself for sadness. All the time. Yes, I see sad and terrible things on a daily basis. But the good things always seem to outshine everything else. What a blessing.

I have to come to love this stage in my life. I am fully able to work 2 jobs, have an internship, and coach and somehow still have time to spend with family and friends. This summer is a great stage in my life and I am excited to see where else my adventures take me. I love being a 19 year old who still loves to play Marco Polo at the pool, who loves watching Disney classics, and who loves late night ice cream trips. Growing up is good. It is necessary to discover things about yourself and how they impact you. I have discovered that age is temporal, but love is not. I will always love things I have done as a child, and as I mature, I will still love them. I love the warm Colorado sun, I love random summer days, and I love playing basketball with my family as dusk begins to set. There is just something about being home. Something intangible; something extraordinary. I know I will be ready to go back to Hendrix in the fall. But as for now, I am going to enjoy every moment. Every second. Because I truly want to LIVE. I want to feel God's presence in all that I do. I know He is with me and that He will give me strength when I am weak, and carry me when I fall. I am okay with falling. I am okay with not being perfect. He is there. Really, that is all that matters.

Three passions have governed my life: The longings for
love, the search for knowledge, And unbearable pity for the suffering of
[humankind].
Love brings ecstasy and relieves loneliness. In the union of
love I have seen In a mystic miniature the prefiguring vision Of the heavens
that saints and poets have imagined.
With equal passion I have sought
knowledge. I have wished to understand the hearts of [people]. I have wished to
know why the stars shine.
Love and knowledge led upwards to the heavens, But
always pity brought me back to earth; Cries of pain reverberated in my heart Of
children in famine, of victims tortured And of old people left helpless. I long
to alleviate the evil, but I cannot, And I too suffer.
This has been my
life; I found it worth living.

-- Bertrand Russell