Endure

From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.

Ephesians 4:16

 

As Paul talks about his visions for the unification of the Body of Christ, I am not only reminded of humanity, the need for transformation in our world, and of what Christians should be looking for, but I think also about unity in my own life. One thing in particular, the field hockey team.

 

Here in Ephesians parallels where I envision a strong team: that of pieces (people, players, coaches) supporting each other and doing their part with love to create a whole. This whole can be our team.

Training and preparing for fall season of hockey has in so much dominated my summer to this point. I've been hiking, seeing friends, and hanging around the house, but I have been working out just about every day too. It's been good—a way to decompress and set aside my lingering anxieties of readjusting. Ghana is all over me and inside of me—forever. So, being back in America has been hard. I've needed an outlet, a way to get escape the intensity of being back just for a little while. Doing my workouts, focusing on training my body, it's been what I've needed. And, after mediating on this verse in Ephesians, I am more motivated to do my part.

 

I want to do my part this summer to be ready in August, and I want to do so with determination, effort, and dedication. I want to be a piece to the whole, a whole that is unified with love.

 

I've been playing this game for almost 8 years. I know what it takes. I've experienced the good, the bad, the challenging, and the rewarding both on and off the field. It's all a part of the game, of the sport, and playing on a TEAM. I love being on a team. I love working hard, together. I love knowing that I can be a part of something much deeper than some girls trying to put a ball in the cage. I love the adrenaline. And, the obstacles too. Because that is really where the learning begins.

 

When I walked onto the field to try out for the girls field hockey team at Grandview High School, I was an unsure, nervous, and curious girl. What, exactly, was I doing? I played soccer. So when mom signed me up and got me a weird, candy cane looking stick, I wasn't sure how this whole trying out for field hockey would go over.

 

Who knew that that hesitant girl would become a true fan of this strange sport of field hockey?

From broken noses to overtime goals to runs at the State Championship to being a part of starting a new team, playing field hockey has been crucial to understanding bigger things. You know, things outside 16 yard hits, corners, and pulls.

 

Friendship. Humility. Trust. Perseverance.

 

By no means am I a master of any of these things, but I suppose it is those things that keep me going as I do that extra lap around the track. As I lift a few more weights, and as I embarrassingly do more agilities in front of everyone at the gym.

Yes, I do it so Ellie does not kick my ass.

I do it so preseason is a little less painful.

I do it so I am ready for game 1 of my senior season.

 

A bigger part of me though, endures through summer training so I can continue being a part of this team, where friendship, humility, trust, and perseverance come with the territory.

 

I endure because I strive to be a supporting ligament, building in love, and doing my work so the whole is joined and held together.

 

I endure, because really, this is what I love to do.

We had some fun practices in high school...

University of Denver Field Hockey Camp

Playing Fort Collins

Last team picture

My family supporting us at our playoff game against Creek

Freshman Year...and those classy orange uniforms

Team Huddle. HEART.

Hendrix Field Hockey does Halloween in Kentucky 

Home WIN over Sewanee

You did it.

As I helped him button his shirt, using the lint roller to make it look perfect, simultaneously attempting to put his blue tie in place, I took a step back and was proud of the man that stood before me.

This man, my brother, has had some of the most difficult experiences the past couple of years. He's grown up a lot. He's been through a lot. And, there were certainly times I wasn't sure he would make it. I didn't know if he could make it to this milestone; I wasn't sure if he could ever truly believe in himself. I never gave up; rather, I just didn't know when the day would finally come.

It came today.

Lance graduated high school.

It's a milestone for everyone, I know, but for Lance this is huge. He's going to college this fall, and he's enrolling at Colorado State University with an attitude that has been missing for the past year or so. It's my brother. He's back.

He is happy. I can sense it in the way he hugs me, in the way he carries himself, and in the way he talks about his future. God truly answers prayers, and this is a big one. Lance has a new beginning before him, and he really will do great things. God has something so beautiful and incredible planned for his life.

Lance is pretty much the funniest person I know, he likes cheese just as much as I do, and he always, always makes me laugh. He will do anything for the people around him, he always knows what to say, and he doesn't take life lightly. He lives it to its fullest.

Lance makes me proud to be a big sister. I feel more comfortable around him than mostly anyone, I tell him absolutely everything, and some of my favorite memories in my life are right alongside him.

One time, coming back from Utah, and driving around 1am, we stopped for coffee at some random gas station. I put some of this magical energy stuff in my coffee since I was driving and Lance rode shotgun to help me stay awake. To this day, I don't know what was in that magical stuff, but HOLY MOLY. I went psycho, like, even more crazy than I already am. So, as we traversed through the Rockies in Utah, I was laughing, singing, and saying the most absurd things, with Lance laughing right along. I smile just thinking about it. Or, when I think back on our childhood summers, I remember our long bike rides to buy slurpees and chili cheese dogs (extra cheese, of course) from the barnstore. I remember making football plays in the front yard, and Lance always letting me play quarterback because it was my dream. I remember catching fish up in the mountains and thinking we were so cool…only for mom and dad to tell us later that we fished out of a pond that they fill with fish so you will basically be guaranteed to catch anything. I remember forcing Lance to play barbies with me, putting a dress on you and taking pictures, and walking barefoot outside, thinking we were clearly the most BA people ever to live.

I also remember how I felt when you hugged me after my last field hockey game in high school. I remember how you listened to me talk to you about my dreams, worries, and hopes until 4 am one night, letting me sleep on your floor in your room. I remember talking about rugby this past winter, and our day out together when you decided you wanted to play. And, I will now always remember how you looked walking up to get your diploma. Strong, confident, fulfilled, and happy. You did it, Lance.

We've done so much together, and after this summer, this is his chance to go out and find himself. College. It's allowed me a chance to discover who I really am, and I thank God Lance is going to have a chance to also experience this.

He will be a Ram, wearing hunter green and gold, and he will wear it well.

Congrats, class of 2010.

 

It’s finished.

You can't be connected with God until you're at peace with who you are. –Rob Bell, SexGod

I am sitting out in my backyard—and I have been for the last 2 hours—reading, playing with the dogs, and really, just taking it all in. My backyard is small, but still comfortable, with room for Buddy and Georgio to run around, for various plants and trees to grow, and of course with room for our patio, complete with a grill for some serious BBQ. I can't help but chuckle as I glance at Buddy's dog house, out hottub, and my clean, cool glass of water—is this really my life?

I just spent over 4 months drinking water from sketchy sachets, opened by biting a corner and spitting the plastic out of your mouth. When I really felt like living big I would buy a liter of water in a bottle, usually from Voltic, and would spend the rest of the day justifying my purchase of a water bottle (1 cedi) instead of "pure water" (the sachets) for 5 pesewas.

Now, I can literally walk to our refrigerator, place my clean glass in the square outside the freezer door, push a button, and voila! Ice. Clean. Water. Unbelievable.

I expected the adjustment to be difficult. And, it is. More than difficult though, it's simply hard to reconcile.

After running around town yesterday doing errands—walmart, the phone store, the gym, starbuck's—I kind of feel like I am living a double life. These two worlds, West Africa and the United States of America, are just that drastically different.

I kept looking for tro tros on the road as I drove my own car for the first time in a long while.

I had a panic attack upon entering Wal-mart. I literally walked around for 10 minutes, unsure of what to think.

I gasped when I realized my Starbucks drink (venti iced chai latte with soy) was the equivalent of 6 cedis.

And, on top of everything else, an old high school friend who I ran into after doing bench presses at the gym, proceeded to ask,

"Ohh! Africa! I'm so jealous. Did you like, hang out with the tribes?"

I just stood there, with a blank look on my face, sweaty from a rigorous hockey workout, wondering if this was just the beginning to a long road of immersion back into America.

The good news is this.

Now, more than ever, I am connected with who I am. I am connected here. I am connected in Ghana. I am connected in Hendrix.

For the past few years, I have been soul-searching. I'm nowhere close to finished—hello, this is life, after all.

But sitting here, in the cool Rocky Mountain sun, I can't help but feel more comfortable in my skin than ever before previously—which I think says a lot, because I have often enjoyed being myself. I have this inner peace, this acceptance of me. I know my quirks, my problems, my shortcomings, my gifts, and my dreams. The good, the bad, the ugly. I don't feel like I have to prove myself. I am who I am, and I found a lot of that peace by moving half way around the world.

I guess, what I'm trying to say, is that even with this weird, confusing, hard, and stifling experience of coming home from Ghana, I feel able and ready to handle it. God's given me the gift of perception and perspective with my time in Ghana, and I can feel it.

I don't know how I got so blessed. I don't know how I got so lucky. It is overwhelming to believe that yes, Ghana, actually happened. And, it won't be easy being here after living for an extended amount of time in Africa. But, I suppose it really shouldn't be.

So, I am trying to embrace it, to find beauty in coming home, and to simultaneously share with others what I found in Ghana. People just don't know. But, maybe I can provide a little figment of knowledge and experience.

So, I will close my eyes and see the night market, Kissemahn, ISH, and the crazy streets of Accra, show my pictures, tell of the incredible people I met, and honor the beautiful journey I have just returned from.

With sharing, I can share a part of me. Who I am is irrevocably changed. So is my worldview. There is value in differences though—an opportunity to learn. To cope with being back in America that's what I will do.

I will teach and I will learn.

Because, certainly, coming home is a two-way street.