Just the Way You Are

And so here we are.

Somehow, August turned into September, September became October and brought us fall, the leaves fell away in November, and finals brought us through December.

I honestly forgot how fast it goes, how it is finally Friday and then Sunday just a second later, and just when the papers and tests seem endless, it's finished.

It's been a difficult semester. It was so different than any other semester I have had so far. All of my friends came back with new stories to tell (whether from abroad or right here at Hendrix) and we all seemed to grow up a little bit. We brought our new perspectives, our new selves, really, and lived the Hendrix life again, once more. It was a new experience to grasp this whole "senior" thing, as for awhile, it felt unreal. I was ecstatic upon returning to something so comfortable, something so familiar, and it's just funny how the very thing that you think won't change, well, it changes too. Of course, the feeling of eating in the cafeteria was the same, the beautiful trees were all the same, and still, being back at Hendrix wasn't all what I expected.

There was a time this semester that I was really sad. I couldn't stand to be in a room by myself, I couldn't stand to be in a room with other people. I was afraid to cry. I was afraid of what that might feel like. It was kind of scary, I really wasn't sure if I was going to be able to put on a happy face anymore. I was sick and tired of worrying about my brother, I wasn't enjoying what I was doing, I was dreading field hockey practice, something I have always loved, and I just felt like my heart wasn't into anything. Luckily for me, this didn't last long. I can't say a light switched on one day and things were better again, rather, it took some time to really try and slow down, appreciate where I have been, and to just be okay with that. I started journaling a lot more again, I went on long walks around campus, and I let myself cry.

The sadness left and I felt free again. Ever since then, for the most part, this semester has become much more of what I imagined it could be like. I have taken more time for myself, I am trying to do things that make me happy more often, and I guess in a lot of ways, I am just acknowledging that however I might feel, it's perfectly okay.

There was a time this semester that I was really happy. I danced like a madwoman on a variety of occasions, I layed out in the sun at the lake over Labor Day weekend, I got to wear a colorful 70s pantsuit at SoCo54, I played in some intense field hockey games, I enjoyed tea with my best friends in the wee hours of the morning at the labyrinth, I camped, and I went to Tulsa for Thanksgiving. In the past week, I have gone ice-skating, drank wine with my friends, eaten delicious food, read the first three books of Harry Potter, ran around Conway on a blistering cold afternoon, and watched a couple pretty good movies. This, all at the same time of writing 3 papers, taking 3 finals, and finishing up with my academic responsibilities. Apparently, balance is actually possible, and every time that I have found it, I have felt most myself, and most content with where I am.

It's not to say that doing a few fun things you enjoy makes everything better, it's so much more than that. Enjoying college life, especially in an academically rigorous place like Hendrix, requires an understanding of who you are and where you are going. Moreover, I've learnt the importance of simplicity. The greatest moments of my life have been on wild adventures, on spontaneous journeys to places around the country, around the world. However, other great moments in my life have been just sitting around drinking coffee and talking to people I really care about, it's been about sleeping in late, taking walks for a breath of fresh air, and eating a yummy home cooked meal. Great adventures and stories don't just have to come from doing the daring and unexpected, it can also be about embracing the simple and just taking it easy. Life moves fast, just slow down. I haven't perfected this. I'm not even close. But, I'm learning.

I have one semester down, and one more to go.

I've missed my family. I am ready to recount my semester with them, tell stories of that one time (say, when the pantsuit ripped down the middle of my butt at SoCo…), and to be around the house again. And, I'm ready for them to help me get ready for the next part of the year, 2011, which will indeed, be a year full of great things to come.