life is wonderful.

The windows are open. It's a nice Saturday afternoon. The BBQ Ribeye is cooking. I just added a great portion to my thesis. I'm barefoot.

A year ago I was traversing treacherously across West Africa. In fact, probably right around this time a year ago, I was likely riding on top of a gas can as we inched closer and closer to Penjari National Park in Benin. Those were crazy times. Those were stressful times. But more than anything, those were very very good times.

I know what I was doing then. I know what I am doing now. But for the first time in a while, I can't tell you what I will be doing a year from now.

I just. don't know.

For the last 9 months, I have focused all of energies into signing up and doing the Peace Corps. It's been the option that I felt most strongly about, it is a chance to do what I really love to do, and I feel confident that I would do a good job. It would be intensely challenging, it would change my life completely. As hard as change is, I think sometimes I live for that—I live for knowing that ultimately we have to adjust, we situate, and we just do the best we can. The Peace Corps would be a great mix of everything I enjoy in life, and so I just assumed it was the logical choice—the perfect choice, even.

I'm a believer in signs. And sometimes, God just gives you signs to point you on the right way.

I don't think God is saying don't go. I don't think that at all. But in the past week, I have been feeling so utterly called to think thoroughly about all my options for the next year, two years, or whatever it may be for my life.

I have been essentially offered a fellowship at the Miller Center at school. Originally, I gave this opportunity about 2 seconds of thought and filed it away far into my email inbox. Except, I didn't realize exactly what it would be like. Assuming it was a job full of filling in the gaps and completing office work, I wanted something more. Come to find out, this fellowship would be all about linking students with services, projects, and volunteer opportunities in the Conway community. It would be assisting Hendrix students to discover their own vocation and calling. And, I would get to help with Fellowship and other religious activities on campus as well. Once I realized what this fellowship actually entails, I couldn't help but slow down and consider the goodness that could come from this. I would have a chance to live on my own and be independent, but I could so in a familiar environment that I do really love. I could have a balance of change and stability, something completely opposite of the Peace Corps. I would be financially secure too, and could save money for one day going to graduate school for social work.

I've made pro-con lists. I've talked it over with my family and friends. I've flip flopped back and forth about 100 times.

The great thing is, I don't lose. With any option here, I am gaining something invaluable and am getting a chance to move forward with my life on my own terms. I feel fortunate to have options like this. My dad has told me time and time again: "a good sign of success is the ability to choose where you want to go in your life. Options are a best-case scenario." Thanks dad.

That's something I realized through this process.

After beginning the process with Peace Corps, I felt very tied to that option. I felt like I had already committed. But, I haven't. And this isn't to say that I am not going to do it. But I feel now that I have a choice. It's my choice, and I like that. Ultimately, it comes down to what I think is best for me. It's scary, hard, and kind of terrifying. But, it's also very freeing. The next years of my life—the rest of my life—can be decided on my own terms. I do a lot of things a lot of times to please people. It's the curse of being a people pleaser, I think. But this time, I'm doing what I want to do. Of course, this changes every single day, but I find a lot of relief in being able to make this decision.

By no means is the decision of the century, but it's an important one.

I have to decide soon. In just about a week. And, I won't even know about Peace Corps officially until July. I have my interview with the Miller Center on the 7^th, and before that, there are some Peace Corps events on campus that I plan on attending. I'm hoping by then things are a little less murky and a lot clearer.

Until then, I am going to also remember that I am still here. I have my friends, I have the last part of senior year, so why not just enjoy it while I have it? Life decisions are intensely difficult, but life is also intensely wonderful, and for this I am grateful.